Epic Rap Battles of History все тексты (слова) песен, переводы, видео, клипы

[Leonardo da Vinci]
Cowabunga, dude, so let's get it on
Reptiles against the fathers of the Renaissance
We got the classical technique
To kick these three-toed freaks back under the street
I take a turtle and I turn him into mincemeat
You don't really wanna step to da Vinci

Epic Rap Battles of History!
Donatello, Michaelangello, Leonardo, Raphael
VERSUS
Leonardo, Michelangello, Donatello, and Raphael!
Begin!

Leonardo da Vinci:
Cowabunga, dudes, so let's get it on

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
ASH KETCHUM!
VERSUS!
CHARLES DARWIN!
BEGIN!
Darwin wants to battle?
Doesn't seem like a fight
But this should be fun

Mitt Romney:
I'm not gonna let this battle be dictated by facts
I'm rich! I've got fat stacks in super packs
We all know what went down in that 2008 election
You're a decent politician with a winning complexion
You're all Barack and no bite, with no change and we're all still hoping
That you'll shut your mouth, but like Guantanamo Bay they're both open
You're from the windy city, where you're looking pretty with your blowhards

привет титьма я здесь и я вернулся, возрождаю я свой реп что б мирликийство не прогнулось, сонько кошку свою отпиздил вчера, а наушники сломал сегодня вот хуила , плакать хочу уиуиуиуи, то что ты сказал про птицу киви, но она не может быть терминалом, это очень сасно, мамки цветки ломать пошли, гашню нашли, но зачем то наступили в кожуру, от семерки мед я откушу. столб стоит, трава гнется, мирликийство не прогнется, буду я нести семечки вам, не умрет с голуду пак. эй дибил иди сюда тебя постигнит мирлика кара, тебя тут убьют, телефон не найдут, желудок нагнут, в яме запрут,, но кроты отопрут, все попытки вывернут наизусть и семью твою в тарелке найдут кружка, пятка, дибилка игралка, котята, давалка, зеленый точно я как абдурахман рифмую точно хахахаха моя бабушка тебя колендоскопом не защитит, тут даже стены можешь не грызть ты не уйдешь дружок, на авито продадим, по качалкам походим и к выводу что реп мой супер весь мир осведомим

Sir Isaac Newton:
Of all the scientific minds in history,
They put Beaker in a bow tie up against me?
I'm a master, I discovered gravity!
I drop rhymes like they're falling from an apple tree.
You're no match for me, you got a bach degree.
I got a unit of force named after me!
You wanna battle, guy? That's a crazy notion.

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
AL CAPONE!
VS
BLACKBEARD!
BEGIN!

Blackbeard:
I come strapped with six pistols and a dagger

Pablo Picasso:
I am the greatest, the modern art Muhammad Ali
I melt faces, call me MC Dali
Your whole body of art is a fluffy mountain of crack!
You're the PBS version of Nickelback!
But I figure you must be a genius, cause with zero training
You made millions teaching people how to suck at painting
Why don't you go back home and beat your brush, you chump

[Christopher Columbus]
Arrivederci
I'mma leave before this battle begins
Cause we both know in the end which of these captains gonna win

I’ll show you how a real explorer handles a situation
I’ll beat you so bad they’ll feel it in the next generation
So bring it on

[Verse 1: Darth Vader]

Someone who loathes you, bitch now stand up and rhyme
I only thawed you out so I could beat your ass a second time
Roar like Chewbacca
The voice of Mufasa
I'm on the leader of your limp dicked Luftwaffe
I strike back hard against a Nazi

ERB ВКонтакте: vk.com/epicrapbattles

Adolf Hitler:
Vader... This is your last chance... Battle me... or die...

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
DARTH VADER!
VERSUS!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!

Darth Vader vs. Adolf Hitler...begin!

Adolf:
I'm Adolf Hitler - Commander of the Third Reich!
Little know fact: Also dope on the mic!
You are Vader...

Ooh, actually, if you don't mind, it's just "The Doctor"
Doesn't even really matter who. Who am I even talking to? Oh yes, you!
The wannabe Einstein, minus the 'stache
Travels through time but with no class
I'm saving the world while you dilly-dally
You can't even invent a way out of Hill Valley!
And calm down, will you? Everything is going to be fine!
You're not going to tear any wonky holes in any fabric of space and time

Donald Trump:
Wake up, Scrooge, I'm about to take a Dickens of a dump!
On this lonely, homely little miserable grump!
I'm like the star on a Christmas tree, you're like the stump.
I'm not known for my heart but you're still getting trumped!
You remind me of my ex-wife in a bikini, cause you disgust me.
Keep your TB from Tiny Timmy away from me, don't even touch me!
I don't shake hands, I don't make fans, I ruin rappers faster than Scottish lands!

[Verse 1: Albert Einstein (MC Mr Napkins)]
When I apply my battle theory
Minds are relatively blown"
So take a seat Steve
Oops — I see you brought your own!
What's with your voice
I can't frickin tell
You sound like WALL-E

[Verse 1: Albert Einstein (MC Mr Napkins)]
When I apply my battle theory
Minds are relatively blown"
So take a seat Steve
Oops — I see you brought your own!
What's with your voice
I can't frickin tell
You sound like WALL-E

[Ellen DeGeneres]
Hey God, it’s me Ellen, can I ask you a question?
How do I tell my friend Oprah she’s gonna get more whipped than Stedman?
I’ll make her head spin, when it comes to rhymes, I got a penchant!
So if battling me is your intention, I better mention, you’re ’bout to get licked by a lesbian!
Ohh, I’ll knock you off of your throne, take a shot at everything you OWN!
I got the skill to make Doctor Phil say,

Ho! What's wrong with your face? Baby, yikes
With those teeth with your 'tude there'll be no dust left to bite
Christ, news flash, kid: this is show business
Show some class when you dress, shave that bush off your lips
Your band's named Queen, huh? Ain't that sweet
You dance like you rode a bicycle race with no seat
That's what's wrong with you people, you'll do anything to get famous
You changed your name to Mercury, you should've been Freddie Uranus

You shall not pass
I rap fast like Shadowfax
Tom Riddle me this you b^tch
How’s your little wand
Going to beat my staff?
I leave mics in flames torched by Gandalf touch mine, Dumbledore and scorch your other hand off

You fool, you got Snaped

[Intro]
Epic Rap Battles Of History
Genghis Khan Vs The Easter Bunny
Begin

[The Easter Bunny]
How you gonna battle
I invented hip hoppin

Epic rap battles of history!
Goku!
Versus!
Superman!
Begin!
Who can stop this constipated jock
With the awful animation and the complicated plots?
Who's got the rap bombs to drop on Japan?

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
JACK THE RIPPER!
VS!
HANNIBAL LECTER!
BEGIN!

Jack the Ripper:
Oi mate, pass the liquor, it's Jack the Ripper

[Justin Bieber]
Look what the cat dragged back from the dead
Man it looks like Chewbacca wiped his a** on your head
I’m the next the next Michael Jackson,
You smell like Bette White, here’s some aspirin
You’re catching Bieber fever tonight
Because my voice is incredible
And your music is terrible

[Background Voice]
Wright Brothers versus The Mario Brothers, begin

[Wright Bros.]
We’re the Wright brothers and there can’t be no other.
We don’t wanna cause trouble are you looking for your lover?
Cause your princess is in our castle now.
Yeah she’s gone

[Verse 1: King Leonidas]
Spartans! Ho
Let's start this! Ho
Show this petty officer who's the hardest! Ho
The biggest mistake that you've ever made
I'll toss you like a frag grenade
I'll stomp you in the face
With my sandals enraged

[Bentley Green (Michael Jackson)]
Oooh
Elvis Presley as I live and breath
You stole rock and roll
Gave us rockabilly cheese
You dance like an epileptic
Nothing but left feet
I’ve seen it every record you set

Epic Rap Battles Of History!
Joan Of Arc
Versus
Miley Cyrus
Begin!
Let me guess, you're here to hate
Well, you can stand in the autograph line and wait
Cause I'm all twerk, I got all day

[Intro]
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
ELLEN DEGENERES!
VERSUS!
OPRAH WINFREY!
BEGIN!

[Ellen DeGeneres]

Grigori Rasputin:
Cool moustache, Wario
Try messing with the Mad Monk, you'll be sorry, yo
How many dictators does it take
To turn an empire into a union of ruinous states?
It's a disgrace what you did to your own people
Your daddy beat you like a dog and now you're evil
You're from Georgia, sweet Georgia, and the history books unfold ya

[Verse 1: NicePeter as Rick Grimes]
Carl stay back this is gonna get bad
I'm bout to show this lab rat how to be a real dad
A grade A MC, who'll ruin your A-1 day
Cause Sheriff Grimes rhymes dirty like my armpit stains
I'm a post apocalyptic cop who's got a lot of issues
Pop a cap in you and splatter the brain you misuse
Cooking up blue Sky and bigger lies for Skyler

Intro]
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
STAN LEE!
VERSUS!
JIM HENSON!
BEGIN!

[Verse 1: Stan Lee]

Edgar Allan Poe:
Once upon a midnight dreary, as I spit this weak and weary,
I will choke this joker with a trochee till his cheeks are teary! (Ahh!)
But y'all don't hear me, all should fear me!
I'll forever be better; you'll never be near me.
Your books are as eerie as Beverly Cleary!
You're a faux Bram Stoker, so scram, the show's over!
Your flow's so-so. Poe's poems pwn posers! (Snap!)

[Steve Jobs]
Let me just step right in
I got things to invent
I’m an innovator baby
Change the world
Fortune 500 ‘fore you kissed a girl
I’m a pimp you’re a nerd
I’m slick you’re cheesy

Steve Jobs:
Let me just step right in
I got things to invent
I'm an innovator baby
Change the world
Fortune 500 before you kissed a girl
I'm a pimp you're a nerd
I'm slick you're cheesey

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
ROBOCOP!
VS!
THE TERMINATOR!
BEGIN!

[RoboCop]
Freeze

[EpicLLOYD]
This is one vid kid that you won’t ever survive.
I’ll beat you, dislike you then unsubscribe

You’ll be good at rapping someday I promise bro.
But for now just stike to editing that gay @ss Monday show.

I’ll slaughter your water color unicorns eat’em for breakfast.

The Western Philosophers:
I'm coming off the acropolis to start some pandemonium,
Don't bring limp raps to a pimp slap symposium.
The mad gadfly, philosophy was my invention.
Rolling with the flyest nihilist, and me, their French henchmen.
We got the wisdom, and the wit, that even I couldn't question!
Dropping Western medicine, on these East infections!
It's evident you've never been our type of mental brethren!

[Intro]
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
WINSTON CHURCHILL!
VERSUS!
THEODORE ROOSEVELT!
BEGIN!

[Theodore Roosevelt]

[Tony Hawk]
I can skate better than this church boy turd can
Not Cash Money, it's just Wayne versus Birdman
You got your whole league to protect and adore you
So which goon's gonna take this battle for you?
I'm a dude who blew up extreme sports
That nose looks like it's seen extreme snorts
I mean, look at that thing, that slope is gigantic

[Wonder Woman:]

Wonder Woman fly, I’m about to tell you why:
Princess Diana, but this lady don’t die!
My rhymes are signed, sealed, and delivered on time!
You a bald has-been; I’m in my Amazon Prime!
I tell you what I say! You bit your style from Ray!
The grin and the shades and the king cobra head sway!

Zeus

How dare you challenge my immortal throne?
I'm the father of the gods, put your daddy on the phone.
Maybe Odin could beg me for a truce, cause when Zeus lets loose,
I'll put your cross-dressing neck in a noose.
I'm like Medusa, stone a motherfucka if he looks at me wrong
I'm a bull getting bitches with my swan song

Ой, смотрите, Элвис Пресли, предо мной,
ТЫ украл рок-н-ролл, заменив его фигней,
Танцуешь, словно эпилептик дергая ногой
Да я все твои рекорды загнал глубоко в отстой.
Не надо было пачками глотать наркоту,
Тогда не сдох бы в туалете, кал роняя на лету.
Я плохой, я - нежный преступник, хоть и мал
А ты у Салливана только выше пояса в эфир попал попал.

Grigori Rasputin:
Cool moustache, Wario
Try messing with the Mad Monk, you'll be sorry, yo
How many dictators does it take
To turn an empire into a union of ruinous states?
It's a disgrace what you did to your own people
Your daddy beat you like a dog and now you're evil
You're from Georgia, sweet Georgia, and the history books unfold ya

КРОЛИК
Как ты будешь биться? Я придумал хип-хоп!
Мой хвостик вжик-вжик, а уши - хлоп-хлоп...
Я - Пасхальный Кролик, заносчивость - в моей натуре,
А ты - уродливый насильник, варвар в грязной шкуре.
Чу! Я ж тебя замочу!
У тебя ведро на голове, и усы Фу Манчу.
Китайскую стену ты прошел рывком решающим,