Jonathan Coulton все тексты (слова) песен, переводы, видео, клипы

There's a tall thin man standing in the shadows
When he calls your name his voice is strong and clear
It's a dark and smoky place, so you can't quite see his face
He pulls you close and whispers in your ear

And he tells you he was born into some money
But it didn't mean he had to sit around
And he knows a thing or two about the things that you should do

I am glad to be shopping here with you
I will sit on this chair til you're through
I will wait with your purse
I won't wander off and leave it
I am glad to be shopping here with you

And you know I'll be fine by myself because
I also am alone at home

Bacteria, Bacteria
Look, there's Bacteria
Bacteria, Bacteria
You might not see them, but they're there
Bacteria, Bacteria
Everything you touch
Bacteria, Bacteria
That's right, Salmonella Bacteria

ow deep in Pennsylvania near where Route 180 ends
There's a humble house of brick and wood and glass
The tiny home of Rich Wojcinski, Big Dick to his friends
Who despite his name is famous for what issues from his ass

Every Tuesday night at the Legion Hall
Bring a can of Glade and have a ball
Everybody loves when Big Dick farts a polka

This year has been a little crazy for the Andersons.
You may recall we had some trouble last year.
The robot council had us banished to an asteroid. That hasn't undermined our holiday cheer.
And we know it's almost Christmas from the marks we make on the wall. And that's our favorite time of year.

Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime, where we're working in a mine for our robot overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant protectors.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime.

You have put on your feety pajamas
It's time for a long winter's nap
There's a knock on the door and a stranger is there
He wants you to sit on his lap
He takes your watch and he gives you a hairbrush
Your wife gets a wig on a chain
He says he can't stay
Cause he's got a long way to go

Code Monkey get up get coffee
Code Monkey go to job
Code Monkey have boring meeting with boring manager Rob
Rob say Code Monkey very diligent
but his output stink
his code not functional or elegant
what do Code Monkey think
Code Monkey think maybe manager want to write goddamn login page himself

In a town in the woods at the top of a hill
There's a house where no one lives
So you take a big bag of your big city money there and buy it
Then at night when you're all alone
And the house is dark there's a noise upstairs
At the top of the stairs there's a door so you take a deep breath and try it

And the flashlight shines on something moving just inside the door

We work late and I pretend that I don’t notice when you’re next to me
But I do
I might be mistaken, but I sometimes get the feeling that you notice too
And I know this place that’s near here
Quiet dark and small
When we’re finished here I think that I may want a beer, how about you?
It’d be nice to go out drinking with you

Heya Tom, it's Bob, from the office down the hall.
Good to see you buddy, how've you been?
Thing have been O.K. for me except that I'm a zombie now.
I really wish you'd let us in.
I think I speak for all of us when I say I understand
Why you folks might hesitate to submit to our demand.
But here's an FYI: you're all gonna die screaming.

I woke up this morning
I had a scone and a large house blend
And then a little conversation with my squirrel and chipmunk friends
I said I’m sick and tired of winter
And I wish that it was spring
And then a little fellow named Robin Redbreast
Began to sing

Jonathan Coulton - Gambler's Prayer (Demo)
Lord hear my prayer
and look down on me
I'm not as wealthy as I used to be
It's not even ten and I'm busted again
Why does this happen to me?

Give me a sign, show me you care

I lie below, you float above
In the pretty white ships that I've been dreaming of
And I'd like to swim beside you
Getting dizzy in your wake
Getting close enough to touch you
Getting brave enough to take you into my arms
And bring you down to be with me

I get up early when the sleeping pill wakes me
I take a wake up pill and fill with energy
I power on hard and I check my messages
But I don’t have any messages
I take a driving pill and head to my car
I drive around a bit cuz work isn’t very far
I call my phone and I check my messages
But I don’t have any messages

The time has come to celebrate my birthday
We just redid the basement, couch and all
You're all invited, even Mark Manelli
Just leave your coats and shoes in my front hall
We'll put on records and no one will dance
It's gonna be funny when Mark wets his pants

I'm having a party

Long ago in days of yore
It all began with a god named Thor
There were Vikings and boats
And some plans for a furniture store
It's not a bodega, it's not a mall
And they sell things for apartments smaller than mine
As if there were apartments smaller than mine

I drove seven hours
All day to see you
The least that you could do is be at home
I wait outside your front door
I guess that I surprised us both
When you get home youre not alone
The way I thought youd be
You introduce your friend

Chances are your pants are not as fancy as the pair
Of very fancy pants that Mr. Fancy Pants will wear
When everybody's marching in the fancy pants parade
He's gonna pass the test
He's gonna be the best
The best in terms of pants

You look in every catalog you shop at every store

It's an amazing smile
Even the suit has teeth
Everything flash and guile
And nothing underneath
Except a small black heart that no one sees but me
I've been watching, I can see you start to wonder

Here at the bar who cares what I do
I'm all alone but I'm drinking for two
Drowning the man that I used to be
Nobody loves you like me

I won't sign a thing, or else if I do
I'll use a pencil and that will show you
How nothing lasts, how nothing is free

You hold up one hand
Everyone waits
Until we can move again
The burden of command
Stands you up straight
Something to prove again
Blood in your eyes
Screams on the radio

We took the freeway out of town
We found a place to settle down
We bought a driveway and a swingset and a dog
You got your very own bathroom
I got my very own workshop in the basement

We sit around staring at the wall-to-wall
Take field trips to our favorite mall

Welcome to my secret lair on Skullcrusher Mountain
I hope that you’ve enjoyed your stay so far
I see you’ve met my assistant Scarface
His appearance is quite disturbing
But I assure you he’s harmless enough
He’s a sweetheart, calls me master
And he has a way of finding pretty things and bringing them to me

O’Hare is nice this time of year
I check my bags and find my seat and buy a beer and settle in
Such is my life here on the road
Now my seat back is up, tray table stowed and there’s nothing to do
I gotta get myself through

So I am shopping in SkyMall
That five-mile-high mall

The cage is very small
A tiny silver ball
That makes you a hero
The moment you step inside
The world is watching you
What you're about to do
Will live on forever
Even though you'll be dead

I'm right here
And I heard everything you said
Those things
To try to get inside my head
Is full
Now there's no room in here
For you
You can't teach me the lesson

We start the story when Mom met Dad
And they danced all night and he took her home
It might have been all the wine they had
But they rolled the dice and won your genome

Then you grew and you grew and one day you were you
And you looked like your father and mother
If you're looking for someone convenient to blame

Last week I left a note on Laura's desk
It said I love you signed anonymous friend
Turns out she's smarter than I thought she was
She knows I wrote it, now the whole class does too
And I'm alone during couple skate
When she skates by with some guy on her arm
But I know that I'll forget the look of pity in her face
When I'm living in my solar dome on a platform in space

Washington came first and he was perfect,
John Adams kept us out of war with France
Jefferson made a Louisiana Purchase
In 1812 James Madison kicked the British in the pants
James Monroe told Europe they could suck it
John Quincy Adams looked just like his dad
Andrew Jackson got rid of all the Indians
Van Buren served one term but he wasn't bad

There was a castle by a waterfall,
With a pink and purple wall,
And a princess living there.

She had no parents and was all alone,
She got by on her own,
And she liked it pretty well.

Tom Cruise is so in love with Katie
At least all his people tell him so
And while he thinks that she's a very special lady
It's probably not the way he'd choose to go

But a lifetime of longing looks would cause too much distraction
Good thing that he's not gay anymore

We were so small when we met
I still remember, I'll never forget
Two button eyes and a tail
I couldn't tell female or male
I caught your eye through the glass
I waved with my flipper
You looked away kind of shy when you smiled, my world broke in two

I was fine
I pulled myself together
Just in time
To throw myself away
Once my perfect world was gone I knew
You ruined everything
In the nicest way

Heya Tom, it's Bob, from the office down the hall
Good to see you buddy, how've you been? Things have been okay for me except that I'm a zombie now I really wish you'd let us in I think I speak for all of us when I say I understand
Why you folks might hesitate to submit to our demand But here's an FYI:
you're all gonna die screaming All we want to do is eat your brains
We're not unreasonable, I mean, no one's gonna eat your eyes
All we want to do is eat your brains
We're at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise